Kitmonjack
by Candybree
Summary: While out collecting an alien device something goes a little wrong. Rated mostly for safety.


AN: This is the product of almost no sleep and watching videos about animals. There is a little bit of Gwen bashing but I blame that on lack of sleep and being in a bad mood. And once again this didn't turn out like I had it planned at all.

Disclaimer: Not mine but wouldn't it be fun if it was.

* * *

"What did you do this time?" Ianto sighed, not even looking up from the document he was working on when the cog door rolled open.

"I would like to make it known now that it was in no way my fault." Jack told him, glaring at Gwen.

"How was I supposed to know this was going to happen?" Gwen pouted.

"How many times do we have to tell you? Don't press buttons on new tech! Especially when I tell you not to touch it at all." Jack hissed. "One of these days you are going to blow up the world because you can't resist pressing the big red button."

"Jack what exac..." Ianto stared open mouthed at Jack when he turned around.

He snapped his mouth shut and tried to school has features, clearing his throat to stifle a giggle.

Jack was standing in the middle of the doorway, glaring at Gwen, Tosh and Owen were trying to squeeze past carrying a rather large containment box. What had Ianto trying not to laugh though was that Jack had a tail.

A long, white, fluffy tail.

The more Ianto thought about it the more the tail looked like it would have belonged on a monkey, though it was a little thicker and not quite as long a monkey the size of Jack would have.

And not only did Jack have a tail, he also had what looked like fuzzy white cat ears on the top of his head.

"Are you alright?" Ianto asked softly, walking over to his lover and taking his hand.

Jack turned to look at the younger man and nodded, smiling, but Ianto could tell he was upset.

"Why don't you go to your office and I will bring you coffee in a minute." Ianto said, softly brushing his fingers over Jack's cheek.

Jack nodded and walked to his office stiffly, letting Ianto know he was more hurt than just having a tail and an extra set of ears. Ianto turned to look at Gwen who was staring after Jack and looked like she was going to stop him from leaving.

"I wouldn't stop him if I were you." Ianto said quietly. "And I would also suggest that you go home."

"You can't send me home Ianto. Shagging the boss doesn't give you the right to order me around." Gwen said defiantly.

"I said suggest, not order and I am thinking of you when I say it because once Jack gets over the shock of having extra appendages and whatever injuries he has he is going to be pissed that you didn't listen to him. Again." Ianto told her, walking away to get Jack's coffee.

Gwen stared open mouthed as Ianto walked away without even a glance back.

"I would listen to him if I were you." Tosh said quietly. "He has a tendency to know Jack's moods better than Jack."

Gwen nodded and collected a few things from her desk before leaving for the day.

****

"Your coffee sir." Ianto said, walking into Jack's office without knocking.

"Not sir Ianto, just Jack." Jack said. He was sitting on the sofa with his head buried in his hands.

"How are you Jack?"Ianto asked sitting down beside Jack.

"I'm fine." Jack told him.

Ianto handed him his coffee and waited for him to take a sip.

"Now how are you?"

"Sore." Jack admitted quietly, taking another sip of coffee. "And I have cat ears and a monkey tail. What the hell was Gwen thinking?"

"What happened?" Ianto asked, rubbing Jack's back soothingly.

"We went to collect the device and I recognized it. At least I know the final product; the one we picked up is just a prototype." Jack explained. "I told them not to touch it but of course Gwen just couldn't listen."

"What does it do?" Ianto took Jack's empty coffee mug and put it on the floor before pulling Jack into a hug.

"Well, the final version of the device can either turn you into an animal or it makes every part of your body very sensitive." Jack looked at Ianto carefully. "Sexually sensitive."

"How does it know which to do?" Ianto asked.

"It depends on your thoughts." Jack told him. "You think of a certain animal and the receiving person is turned into that animal. You think sexual thoughts and your whole body becomes one big sex organ."

"So you're what? Part monkey and part cat, right?" Ianto asked.

"I'm a kitty, a monkey and a Jack. A Kitmonjack." Jack said nodding his head. One of the cat ears rubbed against Ianto's chest and he gasped.

"What?" Ianto asked, pulling away immediately.

Jack looked at him and whimpered, grabbing one of Ianto's hands and bringing it up to stroke the ear. Jack gasped again and his whole body jerked and Ianto noticed that Jack had a very obvious bulge in his trousers.

"Okay, so part monkey, part cat and also one big sex organ." Ianto amended. Ianto paused and a horrified expression crossed his face. "What the hell was Gwen thinking exactly?"

"Dunno, but it only seems to be the ears that are sensitive." Jack writhed as Ianto stroked one of the ears again. "Though the tail seems to have its uses too."

Jack proved this when the tail slipped into Ianto's trousers and started stroking his growing erection.

"Yep, I can see the uses of the tail." Ianto moaned. "How long does this last exactly? And why are you sore?"

"Sore because I was thrown into a concrete wall when I was changed and it should only last for a day or two." Jack whimpered as Ianto stroked his ear harder and gave it a gentle tug.

"So we should make the most of these ears and the tail then right?"

"Definitely." Jack mumbled. "And maybe if I can get it working properly we can have a lot more fun nights with the device."

"Sounds like a plan. But not until later." Ianto said kissing Jack fiercely. "Much later. Now I want to enjoy my Kitmonjack."

****

"So do you think Jack will explain exactly what this thing is?" Tosh asked Owen.

"Knowing Jack he'll spew some crazy explanation about it being used for sex and he'll keep its real use a secret." Owen told her, watching as the blinds in Jack's office snapped shut. "But now I am going for a drink. Would you care to join me?"

"I'd love to."

Owen held his arm out and Tosh looped hers through it. They walked out of the hub together leaving Jack and Ianto alone for the night.


End file.
